Best part of a snow day!

It's just right

Towards the end of January I was in a deep funk. I was happy with nothing in my life. I was hating where I live, hating my social life or lack there of, hating my financial problems, hating my job, and hating myself. Great way to start year right?

While driving home from work one night I suddenly got an idea. "What if I leave my current job, move to the city, and hope I get another dance job while working other jobs to make ends meet?" Just as soon as I this crossed my mind, I'm no longer unhappy. I suddenly feel at peace and excited. It's time for something new. I'm going to make the change happen. I won't let it happen to me. Could it have been more clear that this is the right decision?

Lately all I can think about it me living in my little NYC studio apt and working as a dancer. This idea could not make me happier. So it's happening. My lease here in NJ is up at the end of August, and then it's off to NYC.

I have been networking with old friends and making new friends along the way. My first friend that I contacted was the perfect person to hear from. He is always incredibly supportive and positive. Once again making it clear that this is the right decision.

Then today at work, the chair of the board came to see the dancers to inform us that as of March 28th the company will no longer exist. That's 21 very talented dancers now out of work. Cutting our contract short by 6 week, and they have no intention of paying us the rest of the money we are owed. That's an entire other topic I'm not even getting into now. So now I don't even have an option of returning here next season for work. Another clear sign that my decision was correct. However today was a rough day, seeing all of my friends and colleagues upset, distraught, and stressed. I hope to never have to experience this again.

Looks like this new chapter of my life will be starting soon than I had expected. It's all for the best in my situation.

Here's to jumping and trusting something great is there when I land!!!

Losing Faith

Lately I find that I lose faith in people more and more every day. What happened to common courtesy? When I set a time to meet someone I'm usually there at least 10 minutes early. Then I end up waiting for the person. Sometimes even waiting a half hour. Is it that hard to send a quick text "Running late/stuck in traffic/slept in." Why is it ok to keep someone waiting? Is it because your time is more valuable than mine?

I try to put good things out in the universe, hoping they will come back to me. Not sure how long I'm going to have to wait. It always seems that I'm doing things to help friends, but then when I need help everyone is busy. When is it going to be my turn?

Do I need to become one of those assholes who only cares about themself? Cause they seem to get what they want when they want it.

Maybe nice guys do finish last. Speaking of which, in an extremely brave moment last night I told a good friend of mine how I feel about him. My feelings for him were just eating me up on the inside. Of course as I'm saying it I'm feeling like a complete ass and very uncomfortable. Turns out the feelings are not mutual. Surprise surprise! But he doesn't want to lose our friendship, and neither do I. Hopefully I didn't royally fuck this up.

I feel like I'm back at square one again...

Such a Cliche

I know I'm not the only one, which makes this ironic, but every year around the holidays I get kinda lonely. Well not kind of lonely. I get lonely. Even though I'm surrounded by family, I still wish I had a special someone to share things with.

For the past couple of months I've tried telling myself I don't need someone. That's not what I'm looking for. And while I am content being single, I still have these passing moments where I want someone. Someone to watch tv with. Someone to cook dinner for/with. Someone to cuddle with as I fall asleep.

What makes it harder is that I have long periods of time off from work. While working I'm incredibly busy, and then I can use the excuse that I don't have time for a relationship. Then I'm off for 5 weeks, and can't stop thinking about the fact that I've always been single except for 3 months 5 years ago.

Maybe the new year will bring some good changes. I feel like I need changes. They say when you stop looking that is when things happen. Or is that you stop looking because things have happened and you no longer have to look?

Merry Christmas

I love coming home for Christmas. This is undeniably my favorite time of year. Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. I think it's still the excitement I remember as a little kid on this day. We also have a bunch of family and friends over. I have to admit though that I can only be here for 3 days max, and have to keep myself incredibly busy. I still love it though.

Im just testing out this mobile blogging. Trying to figure it all out.